i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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