I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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