I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
