can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
