i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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