you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
