my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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