and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
