My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How's work?
Spinning.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
