I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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