how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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