Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
