pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
