My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
