if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
