did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
