But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
