Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
porn star boner night. come get it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
