I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
