She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
