her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
