my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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