ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
