i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize