I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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