a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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