You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
