handjob tips. give me some.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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