I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
