it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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