hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
