we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
