I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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