I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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