Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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