He is such a slut. More and more my type.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
