I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
