I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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