somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
