I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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