we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
