I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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