is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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