my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
