I'm jealous of your bromance
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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