PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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