you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
