we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
