i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize