i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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