I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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