my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The air was thick with penises
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
