was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
