apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
