anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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