I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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