I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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