You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
