you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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