Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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