Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
