Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
