I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
