Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
