I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
