I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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