I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
