hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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