Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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