So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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