Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
