Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
