hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
