VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
