so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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