You work out of a Hotel?
I can text with my tongue
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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