Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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