Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
