Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
