i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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