Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
